What did you think of my headline for this post?
Want to find out what the headline mistake is?
Well, keep reading because I'm about to tell you…

Here's a little story to explain it…

Imagine you are in the residential development business looking to do some advertising. You are selling plots of premium land (enough for a decent-sized house, near public transport, schools, etc.). You are also offering a 'Land + House' package. If the client chooses the latter they get $5000 off some building features. House or no house, the offer promises to be a good investment. 

Put all that in a headline? No way.

What is the purpose of a headline?

Answer: to grab a person's attention enough get them reading more. That's it. And usually the most powerful way to do this is to tap into their emotions.

What is the emotional hook of this post's headline? (i.e. 'A headline mistake that's a real doozy'). It's about making a big mistake. Have you ever made a big mistake? Me too. Awful feeling isn't it?

So what is the mistake that's a real doozy?

The mistake is giving all your key information in the headline. In the case of this post, it would be having the headline: Don't have all your key information in your headline!. Seduce your reader with interesting bait. In short, use the headline to draw interest first.

What other emotions are there?

As headline readers, we respond to all kinds of emotional hooks. Apart from not liking the feeling of making a big mistake, we also don't like the feeling of missing out on a great opportunity. Another emotional hook is wanting the inside scoop that gives us an advantage others don't have. We want to feel secure. We want to feel free. And we want to feel connected to others. In short, we're all schizophrenic. 

The land/house headline could say: Prime land, Great house, $5,000 off.

It's okay, but it lacks the emotional intensity and 'punch' you are looking for. Here are some other possibilities… 

You almost missed out…

Missing out on a great opportunity is a feeling we don't want to have. Using the word 'you' immediately helps to engage the reader. Notice that there's no mention of 'land' or 'house' in this headline.

Are you wondering the following?:
"But don't you need to mention 'land' or 'house' to attract people who are interested in buying land or a house?'

Not necessarily. There are people out there who haven't even considered buying land or a home who could become a client. So having 'land' or 'house' could actually alienate potential business. HOWEVER, if you hook their interest with emotion they do relate to, they might change their minds about buying some land after reading the rest of your ad. 

Want to save 5,000?

Who doesn't? $5,000 is an awful lot of money for most of us. Using questions in headlines helps to immediately engage your reader. Questions start a conversation. Again, no mention of 'land' or 'house' here.

No decent land left? 
Don’t listen to them.

Who is 'them'? I don't know, but they are saying there's no decent land left. 'Them' means there's more than one person saying this. And 'No decent land left' is a common assumption apparently. But there is someone else who knows something that 'they' don't. I want to be in the know too, so I'll read on…

A ‘grounded’ investment for you…

This headline is appealing to those open to the idea of investing but want something secure in these crazy economic times. Why is 'grounded' in inverted commas? The word relates to 'land' – being the ground upon which we walk. It is unlikely for the reader to successfully make this connection yet, but they know there's a reason for the inverted commas. And the three dots at the end say 'read on and you'll find out'.

‘Yay!’
‘Phew…’
‘We’re in.’

These are the sounds of people
who have bought…

This headline is appealing to those wanting to feel as inspired and secure as these people obviously do. We want to feel good like they do. In fact, we want to be part of the 'I feel good' group of people, to connect with them. Sounds like they're having a good time. Of course, it's only a headline, so we're tapping into deep-seated emotional reactions, not necessarily intellectually logical ones.

Let's also consider how the headline could look visually:

It’s a buyer’s market . 
That means you.

This headline almost has an Uncle Sam feeling about it. It's like the headline is pointing it's finger directly at you.

'Me?' you ask.

'Yes, you,' it replies.

Putting that second line directly under the first and bumping up the size creates extra punch. KER-POW!

   Great land 
+ Quality house
= Your nest egg

Obviously this headline is a simple maths equation.' Buy This' + 'Buy This' means you get 'That'. You are taking the person by the hand and leading them through, step-by-step. Staring with a light colour for the first line, a medium tone for the second and a dark tone for the result defines the steps visually. The tones are also symbolic. Start light (easy feeling) but end up with something solid-looking, something substantial.

One investment that 
does tick all the boxes 

How many times have we heard the line 'It ticks all the boxes'. Too many to count. However, this headline actually plays on the cliché in order to sound different. Having the word 'does' in a highlight colour says 'Yeah, we know – but this one's for real'. The text that follows would be in tick box format, walking the headline's talk.

It was winter.  I was editing….over-hauling….a newsletter article for a client. Rubbing my icy hands in front of my computer monitor, I stared at the sensible health advice before me.  It was very sensible and it was very dull.  

The article was about protecting yourself against the dreaded flu.  And it was particularly dreaded that year.  The Swine Flu had been around for a few weeks (Australia still had warm weather when it hit in the Northern Hemisphere).  With winter now rolling in, Australians were about to become more vulnerable.  So the article was topical.  But the writing still didn't hook me in. 

So what what was the problem?   

Maybe it was because the internet was already swamped with swine flu information.  This was just another 'protect yourself against swine flu' article.  So I did something cheeky that my reputable client was nice enough to allow.  And it worked.

1. Have a run of puns

At the height of the swine flu panic came the usual round of swine flu jokes.  The jokes were rapidly forwarded from inbox to inbox around the globe.  The process was much like a virus, but one affecting funny-bones.  

I basically grabbed all the swine flu puns I could find and made up some of my own and fed them into the sentences of the article. 

"I don't mean to boar you with the obvious…', 'Trot out for regular exercise…' , 'Hit the hay…' .

Okay, I'm not going to get any awards for comedy.  But because I said "Spot the 10 cringe-worthy puns" near the beginning of the article, people read the WHOLE article to find all the puns.  And they actually learnt something in the process.  Oink, oink.

2.  Have a competition

I came across a newsletter for an insurance company the other day.  Insurance isn't the most riveting of topics, is it?  This newsletter had four pages of information.  Four pages about insurance…what a drag.  Except it wasn't.  Instead the newsletter drew you in through a number of ways:  

• Writing that addressed my questions and problems before I even thought I had any  
• Colourful, engaging photography of people doing fun, interesting things that lifted my spirits just looking at them.  

But the magic to this newsletter was the competition.

Now there are competitions and there are competitions…Some have a prize and say 'fill out this coupon, send it in and hope for the best'.  You might be lured to tick a box on the coupon, giving permission to receive the company's promotional guff by email – and other competition opportunities.  That kind of thing.

This bunch decided to have five questions as part of the competition.  The answers were found in the different sections of the newsletter.  Not rocket science, but the process made you read everything.  The whole four pages….about insurance.  

3.  Say something personal in an interesting way

This is one that took me by surprise.   A client by the name of Jeff wanted to send out an e-newsletter article with a number of newsy bits about the business.  Jeff also wanted to mention at the end of the newsletter that he was going away on holidays for three weeks. Then his clients would know he won't be around at that time to help them.

I asked him what he would be doing while away.  "Surfing – lots of surfing" was his reply. So in the e-newsletter we started off with highlights of each news section and hyperlinked them to the full news item below.  The final highlight was about the holiday break. But we didn't write "Jeff will be on holidays".  Instead, we wrote: 

Jeff's quest – As a great man once said: "a quest isn't a quest unless you're prepared to die for it"

That got people hyperlinking to the actual news item at the end – which read:

Jeff's Quest - From 11-27th October, Jeff will be away at Sunshine Beach to work on his quest to win the World Title in surfing (yes, for Jeff it's all about the intent).

Most subscribers already knew who Jeff was.  And most knew that it was unlikely Jeff would be found in the audience of the World Title let alone competing – the bracketed words hinted that it was a joke.  But the news item even drew interest from those who had no idea who Jeff was.  

The item – as small as it was – prompted a great response.  Clients contacted Jeff for a number of reasons: to wish him well, book with him before he left and, for some, to talk about the gnarly waves on the point.  Awesome.

Important note:

Use this tip with care.  It depends on the business you work in as to what might be appropriate when introducing personal information into your promotional material.

The motto of the story:

Take your readers on a journey that is entertaining as well as informative.  And don't be afraid to be human.

This article was written by Megan Hills.  Megan is a writer, marketing consultant and cartoonist.  She also has a renegade approach to grammar that irritates some people. Read more about Megan